What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
