Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
