Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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