I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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