Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
