Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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