You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Randomize
