So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
