I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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