his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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