I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Randomize
