I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
