I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
