she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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