I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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