god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
