hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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