Whod you bang
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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