tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
