I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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