Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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