I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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