I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
