bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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