she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize