he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
