Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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