ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
