is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
