Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
