he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
