I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
