Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
