Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
operation harelip BJ is a go
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
