when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
this will be a night to untag.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
