'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
