I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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