That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
