it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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