Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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