I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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