After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
