hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
