the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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