so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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