god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
