I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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