My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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