As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
