I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
