I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
