it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
