You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
