think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
