Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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