So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
