kristin has been a bad kristin
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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