I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize