Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize