At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
