after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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