who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
