I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
