whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
