Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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