my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize