The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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