Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
