Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
