he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
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