what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
