Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
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