the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
