remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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