All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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