You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
